I’m writing tonight of a memory. My goal is to see if I can convey the feelings of my past and this experience, it has stayed with me all these years, so I want to write it. I hope that I make it as true and deep as it is in my soul.
It was 1985, I was 18 years old and naive from a small town and from a different time. My first base was in Shreveport at Barksdale AFB. Upon my arrival at the base some guy’s from Tech School that I knew took me and another guy out for our first weekend. They said the plan was simple, if we wanted to hang with them we had to get laid on our first weekend. I with all the bravado I could muster said, ” Of course I will…no problem” ! Now inside I was screaming, “Holy Shit….Holy Shit…Holy Shit!!” Not wanting to be the guy that failed my first task to be a member of the group I was ready! We went to a club called Michael’s! It was dark and there were alot of people. Now I had partied at the Airman’s Club at my previous base, but that entailed drinking pitchers of beer through a straw and throwing up! This was a CLUB! So I closed my gaping mouth and made the rounds, giving my best, ” How you Doin’!! And bam a woman smiled back. I asked her to dance and she did. Thanks to my mother I was and I am a good dancer. I did all my best moves. We left the floor I said, ” So can I buy you a drink? “ She accepted and I sat down and we drank and danced the evening away. Then she said, “would you like to come to my place?” I was taking a drink at the time and I spewed beer!! I’m tellin’ ya, I have skills and am Suave!! So I wiped my face with my sleeve and said,”Why sure!”
I’ll skip to the next morning… First thing I saw was an OLD WOMAN in the bed next to me. I refer back the the sentence. The Club was Dark!! She was also philipino, not that it made a difference, but I didn’t know that earlier. She got up and went into the kitchen. At this point I realize there are alot of people living in this house. I hear her talking in a language that I don’t understand, and they are laughing hysterically. Being the young naive male that I am, I know they are laughing at me. So I did the only sensible thing…. I climb out the window and run all the way back to base. Now the problem with this is that she had a base pass, and was waiting at my dorm for me!! I said, Ohh I like to run in the morning’s is all and I couldn’t find her house, so I ran back to base! This led me to hide on base for a few weeks. Now this is not the story that I’m here to tell, but one is necessary for the other.
So, a few weeks have passed and once again I’m at Michael’s. I see a girl and she is looking at me. I take a deep breath and move towards her. Just as I get near her however, I see someone behind her. Now I am immediately struck by this persons presence, but I am engaged immediately by the girl I came over to see. We dance and I get her number and called it an evening. A few days later I call and we go out. I like this girl, but I find myself wondering about the other girl. And on the second date, there she was at Trina’s house. Turns out that they are friends. I once again am struck by her, and felt bad about it.
A few dates later I notice that this girl I’m dating is trying to use me. We continue to date and I find reasons for her friend to be there. I’m tentative because I’m not sure if she feels what I do. I no longer feel bad about continuing to date Trina because she obviously doesn’t really like me. Her friend however is getting closer and closer. Through this time I took some friends along as dates for her and was finding that I was terribly jealous. I stopped the dating thing, so it was more difficult to have her along on our outings.
Then it happened, after two months of moving around life thew a good pitch. Trina and I went out and she came along. Now as you notice I have not written her name, as fate would have it I remember every detail about her, except her name. Back to the story… Trina and I went out and she was demanding money when we got back to my dorm, I told her that I wasn’t a cash machine. Now we were in my room and her friend was in another room with a guy that Trina had called for her. Trina stormed out of my room and a few minutes later a knock at my door. It was her! Trina had went to that other room and started making out with that guy, and well this girl left the room. She came in and said Trina was leaving with him and she didn’t have a ride. I got a friends car keys and we left. As I drove, my heart was pounding. I knew that this was my opportunity to tell her how I’ve felt for so long. There was the fear of telling her, the fear of rejection and the fear of how she would react to my carrying this around without telling her.
We drive around and I find a nice place to park. I stop the car and she is sitting so quiet that I know that she knows what I’m doing. I turn in my seat and look at her and my heart flips. She is beautiful, not in a movie star way, but a sweet, kind and yet sexy way. I reach for her hand and it meets mine halfway. I can feel her heartbeat and it is racing and for a moment I can almost hear it. I tell her that I felt something the first time I saw her and that it has only grown since that time. She tells me that she saw it in my eyes that first night and if her friend hadn’t wanted me she would have told me then. I move my hand up her arm to her neck and she holds her breath and I realize that I’m holding mine as well. I lean in and kiss her for the first time, and it was as it’s told in stories. The world disappeared, I could only taste her taste, breathe her breath and it was the most erotic and sensual thing I had ever felt in my life. In that instant I knew that I was in love with her. The song on the radio was Elton Johns, I guess that’s why they call it the Blues. For the next couple of hours we are intertwined. Sitting there with her in my arms I know what love feels like. And had I died there I would have felt fulfilled.
As I said it was a couple of hours and she bolts upright and says, ” Ohh My mother is gonna kill me”! I said, huh? She told me that she was supposed to be home hours ago. I told her that she could just come and stay with me, she told me that I didn’t understand. So I asked her to explain it to me. She said that she was 15 and lived at home with her parents. You know that saying about a ton of bricks. Now don’t think bad of me here, she was 15, but I was only 18. I told her that I couldn’t be without her anymore and she told me that she felt the same. I drove her home and it was a mess. Let’s just say that there was a shotgun involved. I left in a big hurry with the hopes that I would be with her soon.
Well I couldn’t get her on the phone, and I went so far as to try and get Trina to tell me something. What I was told was that she was under lock and key for a few days and forbade to see me. They told her I was a man and she was just a girl and I was taking advantage of her. Funny really, because I was no more of an adult than she was. After a few days she tried to leave and come to be with me. Her mother at that time took her and placed her with her Aunt. This for my young readers is what they did back then. I was so crushed it was unbelieveable to me. Trina had no idea where she was taken, so it was all over from that point.
It’s amazing that the Elton John song was the song on the radio. If you don’t know it, listen to it. It encapsulates my entire romance with this girl. So imagine if you will having the greatest romantic moment of your life and knowing you found your true love, only to have it taken away. I hear this song often and it’s bittersweet, because I flash to that night and the love and passion I felt, but at the same time the pain of losing her. As time has passed I wonder while listening the song, where she is and what her life is like? Does she have kids and a good husband? But ultimately I wonder does she hear this song and think of me and that night in the car when we joined at the soul.
Perhaps this is why I haven’t been married or in a serious relationship. Because I’m looking for that connection that I had that night. I will forever wonder about her. I just hope that I don’t forever wonder if I will find that spark again. I’m not getting any younger and time is getting shorter for this world and I. Please understand I’m forever and optimist and truely believe that it’s out there again for me. I hope that you enjoy this story. I cannot believe how long it is. Please feel free to leave comments.
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